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Actually, You’ve Suffered Severe Head Trauma.

January 23, 2012

Sometimes, you wake up with a headache.  And sometimes, it’s hard to know why.

  • Maybe you partied too hard this past weekend.
  • Maybe you didn’t get enough sleep.
  • Maybe you’re dehydrated.
  • Maybe you’re stressed.
  • Maybe you have a sensitivity to light.
  • Maybe you have the sniffles.
  • Maybe you have a 3 1/2-inch nail jammed in your brain.


Last Tuesday, a certain Dante Autullo had a 3 1/2-inch nail hanging out in his brain, and he had absolutely no idea.  Even though he had shot himself in the head with a nail gun.

Generally, I would say, if you are experiencing pain in your head, and you’ve recently shot yourself in the head with a nail gun, the diagnosis should be pretty easy…right?

The first step there, however, is realizing that you’ve shot yourself in the head with a nail gun, a fact which our friend Dante was apparently unaware of.  He did acknowledge hitting himself in the head with his nail gun, though he assumed the nail he heard unload went flying past his head, rather than directly into it.

Dante actually continued about his business for a full 36 hours, continuing construction work, as well as plowing some snow.  Eventually he felt nauseous, and went to the hospital.

In fact, even when doctors showed him x-rays of his brain, he assumed they were joking.   Because showing an x-ray of a nail in someone’s brain is completely appropriate E.R. doctor behavior.

There’s a lesson here.  Readers, if you ever feel like you have a headache, think carefully about whether or not you were near a nail gun.  If the answer is yes, you’re probably fine.


On a scale of 1 to 7 [bananas], I’m giving Dante 6.  Normally in this kind of situation, I would assign him all 7, but I think I’ll keep one banana for myself this time, just because of his sheer bravery, stupidity, sIlLiNeSs, and impressively high threshold for pain (which I – as an extreme wimp – am actually pretty jealous of).

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