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The Down Side of Raising a Hamster Army

January 24, 2012

Look. I’ll be honest. I love animals. I grew up riding horses. I have a dog. And whenever the ASPCA commercials come on TV, showing images of shivering puppies and abandoned kittens, it tugs at my heart strings. And it kind of makes me want to own a big farm where I can keep a couple animals, like a safe haven of sorts.

What it doesn’t do is make me want to start collecting animals. And that’s essentially what animal hoarding is: animal collecting. Unfortunately, they’re not as easy to collect as, say, Russian nesting dolls.

You can’t store them in cabinets, or display cases, and you can’t adorn your walls with them. You also can’t just put them in a storage shed somewhere. No – you actually have to take care of them. You have to clean them and feed them, and make sure they stay generally alive and well.


About a year and a half ago, a nice Massachusetts man went out and got himself two hamsters.

He clearly didn’t research hamsters beforehand, or learn anything about their breeding habits, because pretty soon after, he found himself with 94 hamsters.

That’s a lot of hamsters.

He had so many hamsters that he actually ran out of room in his apartment (yes, apartment, not house), and he risked starving himself to be able to take care of the little guys. Now thats devotion.

The only reason I can think of for having that many hamsters is if you’re raising a hamster army, and depending on what they’re defending, that can definitely be a noble pursuit and I can see the virtues in that.

But, unfortunately, I don’t think he was raising an army of hamsters. I think it was a weird combination of actually wanting more hamsters, and actually not being able to stop them from breeding. Which I guess worked out to his advantage, kind of.

He eventually gave them away to a shelter, and didn’t even keep any for himself. I’d definitely say it’s for the best. But this guy is definitely bananasss enough to start collecting more animals, and cultivating more armies. I can see him making a come-back in a few years, possibly with bunnies (we can only hope).

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