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You’re Lucky If You Married a Lady Who Can Kick a Moose’s Ass at 85

January 26, 2012

When I first saw the headline, “Alaskan Woman Uses Shovel to Fend off Moose,” I naturally thought of Sarah Palin.  This is mostly because I don’t know of anyone else that lives in Alaska, except of course for her family.  So it’s possible it could have been Bristol Palin.  Then I thought about it some more, and I decided that in that situation, the moose would most likely be fending off Palin with some sort of shovel.  She’s crazy, and I wouldn’t put trying to kill a moose with her bare hands past her.

But I was wrong again — it was an 85-year-old woman.  She’s actually a pretty adorable old lady, too, clearly with a lot of FIGHT in her.

Basically this old lady and her husband were on a hike with their golden retrievers, somewhere in the middle of nowhere in Alaska (is there anywhere else in Alaska?).  A moose showed up out of the blue, and the man dove into the snow.  I don’t know if this a standard Moose-evasion technique, so I looked it up (pay close attention – you’ll need to know this).

According to this website, you’re supposed to “speak softly and reassuringly, like you would to a little child” (this only works if the moose you encounter speaks English, FYI) and “feign death by curling up in a little ball. Protect your head and neck with your arms”.  Unfortunately, I don’t see anything about diving into the snow when you see a Moose, so clearly this guy was asking to be attacked.

This is where it gets a little bananasss — luckily for this guy, his 5-foot tall and 97-pound wife was there to save the day.  She picked up that shovel and swung at the moose like crazy, saving her wimpy husband’s life (don’t worry, the man is fine, just a little cut on the head…but I’m assuming she killed the Moose…she sounds like a beast).  Something tells me this is not the first time this couple has been in this situation.  I can only imagine how many times Moose Lady has defended her husband from wild animals.

To the silly old man, I’m giving 7 bananasss for poor Moose etiquette, and for still expecting his wife to do everything for him, even at age 82.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. suzanne permalink
    January 26, 2012 11:20 am

    A moose once wandered into the center of Montreal. it walked aorund a little, somewhat confused, and finally decided to check out the campus at McGill. Presumably not liking what McGill had to offer, it left the gated and venerable instiution as quickly as possible. Strolling about, it seemed to get frightened by the approach of an oncoming bus (and if you know bus drivers in Montreal — or any French drivers — you will understand this) and decided that the best defense was an offense. It lowered its head and rammed into the vehicle with its horns. No one was hurt, and the moose — apparently satisfied — turned on its heels and promptly left the city, never (to my knowledge) to return. Of course, I do not follow up on these events as diligently as I should. Perhaps you can?

    • January 26, 2012 6:34 pm

      C’est incroyable! It clearly didn’t like buses very much. Maybe exacting revenge? Possibly avenging a friend who had an incident with a bus?

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