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You Probably Shouldn’t Be Eating That Anyway

January 31, 2012

I have been a vegetarian for almost ten years. As a result, I eat a heck of a lot less fried food than the average Joe. I think this increases my chances of living. Personally, I see this is a good thing, although people always ask me “HOW do you DO IT? Don’t you just NEED MEAT?? I WOULD DIE IF I DIDN’T EAT MEAT!!!!!!!!” OK, ok, I get it, and I don’t care. Just calm down.

It’s been years since I ate the food at fast food places like KFC, McDonalds, or Burger King (except for the fries…yum). For one thing, I can’t really eat the food there. Second, I have heard way too many horror stories about these places, and I am way too gullible not to believe them. You probably eat there, and maybe major health violations don’t bother you. But they SHOULD, if you care at all about living. And I’m going on the assumption that you don’t want to die yet. Unless you do, and reading my blog is your last-ditch effort to cheer yourself up. In which case, I’m sorry.

But anyway, if you don’t believe me, read these horror stories about gross stuff found in food, and read this study done by MSNBC on fast food chains’ health violations. Seriously, it’s gross.

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Most recently, however, a man found a metal coil in his chicken at a fried chicken restaurant in Queens. I’m not going to say he didn’t have it coming. Apparently he ate at this restaurant every day for six years. That alone will kill you. That also seriously increases his odds of getting some metal in his chicken.

Well, he didn’t just find it — that would have been too easy. The metal coil got stuck in his throat, and he had to go to the hospital to have it removed. Ew.

 

Considering how frequently he ate there, and the fact that the restaurant owner says he’s been back since, I’m not feeling TOO TOO bad for this guy…but it’s still problematic. I mean, why would there be metal anywhere near his food? How big was the coil? How the hell did he manage to eat it? Is he making it up? Does he just store coils in his mouth so he can bring lawsuits against restaurants more easily?

Look, I don’t have all the answers (though I admittedly do I have most of them). I wish I did. I wish I was a genius. I’m not (or am I?). I wish I was as clairvoyant as Princess the Camel. I’m not. The best I can do is tell you to not be an idiot.

By not being an idiot, you increase your chances of a lot of things, including:

  • Living longer
  • Being happier
  • Having friends
  • Feeling more intelligent
  • Not making it into the news for embarrassing things
  • Not being insulted on my blog

I can also advise you not to eat fried chicken, in particular not every day of your life, because you will probably find a metal coil eventually, or a finger, or hair, or who knows what other bananasss things are floating around in our food that shouldn’t be. It’s enough to make you go “ewwwwwwwwwwww”.

Have fun figuring out what to eat for the rest of the day. Xoxo.

If stories about gross things in food interest you, check out my post on Twinkies (hate to break it to you, but they are apparently disgusting).

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. January 31, 2012 5:01 pm

    HA! I loved this blog entry! I seriously was cracking up. Thanks for mixing sarcasm, facts, and horror for our entertainment.

    • January 31, 2012 6:12 pm

      THANK YOU for the positive comments. I’m so glad you like my blog and that it tickles your fancy! It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who finds me funny!

  2. BahNANah permalink
    February 11, 2012 12:59 pm

    That’s why I just stick to eating BANANAS

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  1. Plz Don’t Slash Me Bro | That's Bananasss!
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