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Free to Be…Me…InMyBirthdaySuit

February 8, 2012

I understand that, sometimes, people like the feeling of wearing their birthday suit.  That means “being naked” for those who are somewhat more sheltered than the Average Andy.  Usually, this happens in a few places:

  • the shower
  • your bedroom
  • in your apartment or house
  • someone else’s bedroom/apartment/house
  • the pool in your backyard
  • the doctor’s office
  • a sauna
  • a nudist colony
  • (if you can think of some others, let me know below!)

One place it’s generally not accepted is…in your car.  When you’re drunkDriving.  Late at night.  With a friend in the car.

A charming Ohio man recently crashed his car at 2:00AM, into someone else’s car, while driving drunk and/or on drugs.  Ok, so this happens from time to time…

What he did next was a little more confusing.  He got out of his car and ran away from the scene of the crime.  Except, he didn’t just run away.  He ran away while being completely naked (ok, fine, he was wearing socks).  Of course the police caught him because, as you can imagine, it’s not hard to catch a drunk naked man on foot if you’re a police man in a car.

True, this isn’t quite as weird as the guy who crashed his car, causing a 3-car accident, jumped out of his car, proceeded to then take off all his clothing, and then stand on the highway divider.  I can only call this an inspired act, inspired by none other than Ricky Bobby (see below if you don’t understand).

These men are both, hands down, completely bananasss.  I can’t explain it.   I don’t want to try to.  I wish it never happened.

All I can say is, PLEASE, don’t drive drunk.  And please, don’t drive naked. And if you’re driving drunk and/or naked, and you are going to be pulled over for something, or police or other human beings will somehow be involved, you shouldn’t be in that situation in the first place.  You should probably just stay home.

 

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