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Plz Don’t Slash Me Bro

February 10, 2012

Sibling rivalry is common, in particular among siblings who are close in age.  Every now and then (read: really, really often), my brother and I would fight, and fight, and fight…and then fight some more.  About anything.

We would scream, and yell, and argue, and call at our parents or babysitters to solve the problems.  As the children of a psychologist, it was usually psychological warfare.  Sometimes, we would get into a moderate brawl (a punch or kick here or there)…but I can’t really say I ever feared for my life.  I can’t really say I ever felt like he was going to attack me with, say, a knife (it’s possible he thought about it, and it’s possible I thought about it, but there was never any follow-through…If there was, I probably wouldn’t be here writing this blog post today, in either scenario).

I can’t say the same for two Pennsylvanian brothers.  These guys take sibling rivalry to a wholeeeeeee nnnnewwwwww lleevveelllllll.

Erik and Gene were hanging out, getting ready to eat a McDonald’s brownie (see here for my post about problems arising thanks to fast food: You Probably Shouldn’t Be Eating That Anyway).

Gene made a big mistake though.  He assumed they were sharing.  This seems normal.  Often, siblings share…sometimes…especially if you’re older and you’ve learned how to share, and that sharing is caring.  Erik missed this part of kindergarten.  Gene probably should have known this.

Worth dying for...?

Eric decided to pick up a knife (!)…nay, two knives (!!)…nay, THREE KNIVES (!!!), and attack his bro with them, slashing him repeatedly in the arm and shoulder.

All for a McDonald’s brownie.

Gene didn’t take the attacks lightly.  He responded by throwing a television set at his brother (he is…the hulk?), and Erik peaced out of there pretty quickly (that means he left).  Eventually, Eric was arrested…I feel bad for all his jail bros.  He seems handy with a knife.

I’ve already said that fast food is a bad idea.  This not-so-heartwarming story only proves me right (most things do, because I am often correct).

Not only is fast food unhealthy, not only does it make you obese, not only does it have weird unnatural ingredients in it, not only does it taste horrible, it also encourages extreme sibling rivalry and/or anger and/or aggression and/or an urge to kill.

It’s unclear if it was all due to the McDonald’s though, because apparently Eric is currently out of jail on bail for slashing his girlfriend…so it might just be his thing.  In which case, I would stay away from Eric.

Eric gets 10 bananasss for being downright crazy, caring too much about a McDonald’s brownie (if it were a Ghiradelli brownie, it might have been justified), not having learned about sharing, and for not using his words to express his frustrations.  He may just be a slow learner?

[Update: Today is National Have a Brownie Day.  I encourage you all to go out, eat brownies, overeat, indulge, enjoy, eat more, and be happy…but I’m begging you…don’t eat the McDonald’s ones.  One brownie-induced slashing session is enough for the world.  Xox.]

5 Comments leave one →
  1. Matt permalink
    February 10, 2012 10:36 am

    If he slashed him for a brownie from McD’s, I’d hate to see what’d he do to him over a shamrock shake or McRib. SMH


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