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What’s a Foot, Anyway? Foot Schmoot!

March 26, 2012

I’ll just throw it out there.

I don’t love working.

And I’m typing this post from my office (again). But I’m not ashamed to say it.

See, the thing is, I just wasn’t born a worker. I figured this out somewhere in middle school.

There were a few signs:

  • I am not a bee (surprise!).
  • I have no genetic coding that predisposes me to be productive, unless it’s something I care about.
  • I hate sitting in a stuffy office (who does?).
  • I hate sitting at a desk in an uncomfortable chair.
  • I hate sitting in a stuffy office at a desk in an uncomfortable chair.
  • I have the ability to sit on the beach in the sun for hours and days on end without accomplishing anything at all, and still feeling good about myself as a human being.
  • I can watch Vampire Diaries for 8 hours straight, then go to bed after, and still feel good about myself as a human being.
  • Etc.

So despite how much I can dislike work sometimes (maybe I just haven’t found the right *career* yet???), I decided there is definitely a limit to how far I would go in order to miss work. They are as follows (to all my current and future employers — this is entirely hypothetical, and I ASSURE YOU I am an HONEST HARDWORKING SOUL):

  • I might lie about being sick.
  • I might lie about a family emergency.
  • I might just not come in and give no reason at all.

That’s essentially where it ends…I actually do hate lying, and I have an actual inability to lie, so, you know, I tend to just go to work.  But it gives me plenty of kvetching material.

On the other hand, there are some folks in the world who are willing, as always, to break barriers and go where no sane human being goes. No, it’s not a weird Southerner as usual…well it kind of is.

This crazy Austrian guy decided to chop his foot off. I say that in all seriousness, in fact, with a little feeling of nausea starting to creep up on me. The thing is, he was supposed to go into the labor office where it would be decided whether or not he was deemed fit to return to work. I’m assuming he had the last-minute jitters…or a mild bout of psychosis…or possibly a moment of true clarity…But whatever it was, he ended up sawing off his foot using the chain saw in his garage shop. Oy.

So then, instead of calling the police immediately, he actually walked back inside his house, walked to the kitchen, and put his severed foot into the oven. He THEN proceeded to call for help. Oh boy.

The Australian as a Child? Quite Possibly.

I’m not sure if this is part of some my-foot-was-just-sawed-off protocol (I couldn’t find anything on Google) — but apparently it did no good, because the paramedics couldn’t sew it back on in the end.

But, hey, there’s a bright side to this. He doesn’t have to go to work anymore, or at least until he heals.

I’ll be reading the news to see what he does post-healing when they try and get him to go back to work again.

Hopefully, since he is obvi totes bananasss, he gets sent to a psychiatric hospital instead, where he can spend his days inside fake-sawing off his limbs with a toy chainsaw. I will buy him the toy. I love making people happy.

——

Are YOU #boredatwork? Don’t forget to follow me on twitter to be constantly updated on my super fab life. Also, I’m now committed to a new line of tweets — #boredatwork (infinite tweetortunities with that one…). Keep your eyes open for @thats_bananasss!!!! SERIOUSLY DO IT.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Debby permalink
    March 27, 2012 8:54 am

    I think the dude’s Austrian. Either way he’s a crazy foreigner.

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