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Now He’s a Honcho, He’s a Hero!

April 16, 2012

Lately (thankfully), there’s been somewhat of a resurgence in heroes.

And I’m not talking about crazy people who think they’re heroes, or people who want to be heroes.  I’m talking about real-life heroes walking the very same streets we walk! *~iMaGiNe ThAt~*

Well, maybe they aren’t actually heroes, but I’ve declared them as such, because it’s my blog and I can if I wanna.

Anyway, you should be excited, because that means that you’re just that much safer in this dangerous, cruel, lonely world.

I mean, it actually only applies if you live in New York City, Newark, New Jersey, or Beaconsfield, Australia.  Because that’s where the heroes I’m featuring are.  Which means that I’m safe…which is essential.  So I hope you are, too.

Daniel Grulke, Beaconsfield, Australia

This kid was about to get on a train (is that what they’re called in Australia?) when all of a sudden, he notices a crazy chica about to DIE!  She’s just being all sad, and suicidal I suppose, walking along the train tracks.  Maybe we should give her the benefit of the doubt — this is like, her normal route to school or something, and she’s really skilled at jumping off the tracks at the last minute, after years of practice.  Or, maybe she actually wanted to die.  Well — Daniel didn’t care.

What does he do?

Like a true hero, he JUMPS TOWARDS THE TRACKS, then he PUSHES HER OUT OF THE WAY, then HE HAS TO SAVE HIMSELF FROM DYING VIA TRAIN COLLISION.  ALL IN LIKE, 5 SECONDS.  That is bananasss.

And not gonna lie, he’s pretty cute too.   I mean, he’s too young for me, but ugh!

Cory Booker, Newark, NJ

 Good old Cory Booker is already a known hero.  It’s no surprise he’s cleanin’ up Newark, spiffin’ up the streets, baking cookies, creating rainbows, handing out gold, is generally l o v e d, and so on and so forth.

What I want to save me from a fire

His neighbor’s house is on fire, and naturally, he realizes.  It’s his heroic mayoral sixth sense.  So he GETS UP, he GOES TO THE HOUSE, and he runs inside and saves some people.

BUT WAIT — the flames are huge, rippin’ and roarin’ and he doesn’t think he’ll make it out alive…He gets religious…He sees his death…He accepts his fate…”Suddenly I was at peace with the fact that I was going to jump out the window,” he tells the news…

And to break his visions of sugarplum fairies and unlimited chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream in hero-mayor heaven, comes a girls shrill screams out of left field.  So naturally, he steps away from the window he’s about to jump out of, goes back into the other room, saves the girl, and they both come out ALIVE.  WHAT A HERO.

Lastly and most importantly is…

COULD YOU PLEASE STOP BEING SO ATTRACTIVE?

Ryan Gosling, New York City

If you haven’t heard about this story yet, you probably are dead.  In which case, I am exttreemmeeellyyyy curious to know how you’re reading this.

Anyways, basically, he saved a journalist from dying via taxi cab collision.   This needs no further explanation.

I would actually die from a heart attack if he saved my life.

In which case, I would rather just get hit by a taxi cab.  Because I’m not ready to die.

It’s not even clear if the woman was happier to be saved from her taxi death, or to be saved by Ryan: she tweeted, “I literally, LITERALLY just got saved from a car by Ryan Gosling. Literally. That actually just happened.”  I can’t tell.

Ugh, so dreamy.

In any event, heroes are making a comeback.  So I feel safer.

Read this for a detailed thought-piece on who you would rather be saved by: Cory Booker or Ryan Gossling.  For me, it’s…..Ryan……………or Cory…………..Noooo the Australian kid…………..the puppy?……………..Ryan…………IDK!

What do you think?

Bananasss.  

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