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Burglarizing in Style

May 8, 2012

It Is A Truth Universally Acknowledged…

…that a successful burglary requires a clean getaway.

But why not make it stylish, too?  Because I get most of my knowledge from movies, I know that most burglars are generally attractive people who more often than not make a clean getaway in a sweet ride.

Exhibit A:

The Italian Job

Exhibit B:

Ocean’s Eleven

It would seem as if a certain Nashville resident has been watching the same movies I’ve been watching.  Except, he’s 14 years old, and he robs houses.  Many houses.

In fact, over the last two years, this teenager robbed over 100 houses.  The police even refer to him as “an innovative individual.”  Clearly, this kid commands some respect.  Now, like a typical 14 year old would, Mr. Anonymous stole what every 14 year old covets:  TVs and video games.

I know, I know, I know — what was his getaway car, you’re wondering?  Quite simple: a go-kart.  I’ve been in a go-kart a few times, and I will be honest — I’m not sure how he carried all his loot around in his ride.  I mean, some people can barely fit their behinds in a go-kart — there really enough space for a TV?

This is roughly what I imagine a 14 year old driving a go-kart around Tennessee looks like (Little Rascals).

What is most unusual about all of this is that no one seems to have been bothered by a kid driving a go-kart around town.  I’ve never been to Nashville, or anywhere really in the south, but I kind of feel like it’s not the typical mode of transportation.  Cars, sure.  Bikes, okay.  Trucks, probably.  Tractors, most likely.  Four-wheelers, possibly.  Horses, likely.  But go-karts?  Maybe one of my readers can confirm that go-karts are par for the course on Tennessee streets.

Regardless, I did some recon, naturally, to figure out what the best getaway car would be.

Check out these two lists of perfectly reasonable options: one banana, two banana.  Oddly enough — I don’t see “go-kart” on either of those lists.  Hmm.

If you have any experience, do share your story below!

5 bananasss to the police for taking two years to find a thieving child not trying in the slightest to blend in (although, who knows, he might live on a go-kart compound).

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