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Damn Plastic, You Tasty

August 21, 2012

Every now and then, we eat things we shouldn’t.

Candy, soda, fast food, indescribable-yet-delicious snacks, grass, pen tops, hair, nails, paper, etc.  What we typically don’t do is eat huge items and just leave them to hopefully ‘pass’.  Right?  Unless, you have pica, and you actually do do that, in which case………..

Exhibit A (FYI, this is the only exhibit): Lee Gardener of South Yorkshire, England

Lee is, to put it frankly, a downright, straight-up, fool.  Essentially, he ate an entire plastic fork, allegedly by accident *alert #1*.  This happened a whole 10 years ago.  That’s a long time for a plastic utensil to hangout in your tumtum.  Now, I don’t know if we can blame him directly for this.  After all, the Britts are known for having exceptionally bland, yucky food — biscuits?  tea?  fried fish?  Maybe this fork was strawberry-flavored, or something.  Who knows.

Anywhosies –  his doc told him to ‘let it pass’…*alert #2*.  This baffles me, because, even as a non-medical student, completely uneducated in all things medically-related, and with absolutely no knowledge about intestines, aside from the fact that they’re long, tangled, folded, and twisted, I have a general hunch that it isn’t the easiest thing to do.  Nor, you know, like, the safest.

So, of course, as you can imagine, Lee ‘let it pass’, and of course, as you can further imagine, it never did.  Which means that he has had a plastic fork in his stomach for an incredibly long time…One day, he woke up, ill, bleeding, oozing forkiness, and he had to have that sucker removed.

I’m giving him infinite bananasss metaphorically, and physically, just 1 big one (see above).

If you ingest plastic utensils, please, get that shit taken care of (punny!).

Bananasss and healthcare advice, xoxoxo,

That’s Bananasss

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Kaitleen Gillis permalink
    September 26, 2012 2:29 pm

    lol I love you and where do you find these things?

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